The Power of a Good Sign

Dear Soil Merchant,

You seem like a really nice person. You sell many different types of soil and you seem genuine in your desire to meet the needs of your customers. I mean, people need dirt. They need to fill in holes, they need to even out their yards, they need to plant things. You have all of the types of dirt they need. I bet your dirt isn't even the kind that will grow several different extremely hardy weeds that one can never get rid of. I bet your dirt doesn't even have gross bugs (I'm not talking about nice, friendly earthworms but the more insidious pests that populate other, lesser quality dirt).

But alas, soil merchant, I can never purchase dirt from you.

Why, you might ask? I have done everything right, you explain, I have even gone so far as to post several large, crisply lettered signs advertising my many dirt options.

Well soil merchant, that is the problem. The first sign is a beauty, "Potting Soil". The sign so clean and clear I am sure anything planted in the soil would grow beautifully and win gardening contests. The second sign is wonderful, "Top Soil". Ooooo, I can only imagine the lush, emerald carpet that would grow from this fine dirt. It is the third sign that is the problem. I can only guess that it says "Gravel". But unfortunately, in a cruel twist of fate, one of the bolts that secures the sign to the fence has released its hold and the sign now hangs crookedly, dipping below the bushes at one corner. Oh soil merchant, if only it was the "G" that hung below the bushy screen. Then commuters would see "ravel" and think only of tangles and complications or perhaps of winding wool skeins. But such is not the case and it is the "L" end of the sign which remains out of sight.

Oh for the lack of an L.

Your sign clearly and crisply spells out G-R-A-V-E.

No one wants to eat tomatoes grown in dirt from the grave.

Apologies,

Twilight Fever

The Hunky Hubby works in the film industry in Vancouver and as such, we often have the inside track about any films coming to town. We knew the second and third films from the Twilight series were going to be shooting here and we knew that everyone involved was doing their best to keep that information a secret. I don't know why - it is not like there was any lack of media coverage of the fact that they were going to be filming here and there have been more than a few photos of the set and actors since filming began. The complete lack of secrecy has actually become a bit of a joke for those not working on the film.

In fact, there is a documentary crew in town filming a piece about finding Twilight and they seem to be approaching any crew they see filming and asking if they are "Twilight" or if they know where they are filming. The hilarious part about this is that EVERYONE knows where they are shooting - it isn't a secret and contrary to what the film's organizers apparently believe - no one cares. At least not enough to cause any real issues for the film crew. I am sure there are a a few mega-fans hanging around and there are obviously some photographers around as we have been treated to such scintillating photos as:

Twilight Stars getting coffee...

When a crew member pointed out how easily the documentary crew could actually find the new Twilight movie it became obvious that the documentarians actually knew this but it wouldn't be much a story if they found the set right away.

(Aside: *Sigh* Even documentaries can't be trusted to be real these days.)

Which brings me to the point of this post. I do not get it. I've watched the original film and I say it again:

I do not get it.

Yeah, yeah, it is filled with teen angst and eternal love and vampires, all three of which tend to be just my type of guilty pleasure. It's just that I do not buy it in this case. It is a little too much, they fall in love too fast, everything is just too, too TOO. Maybe someone needs to explain it to me.

Maybe I need to read the books.

photo from here

I miss working at Starbucks

I was on Plinky today and one of the prompts reminded me that I miss working at Starbucks. Okay, so I don't really miss working at Starbucks - people can be total assholes, especially when they are un-caffeinated and resentful. I do miss seeing the amazing people I worked with at Starbucks.

The specific prompt that reminded me of these wonderful people was asking who would win in a fight between a shark and bear. How did that remind me of my Starbucks pals? Well I worked with a wonder gal who had a deathly fear of both bears and sharks. Part of our responsibilities at Starbucks was to clean the washrooms. One day before she was heading in to clean up, we decided to draw a picture of a melded shark-bear. You know, shark head, teeth gleaming and a ferocious, be-clawed bear body. We told her that she should be careful because a Shark-Bear was known to come out of toilets. She was terrified! Rationally she knew that this could not happen but I have never seen anyone clean a bathroom faster!

Other hilarious things I heard or saw my fellow Starbuckians do:

"You can't smell botulism" our manager said as she held a bottle of salad dressing that had been living in the fridge for an inordinate amount of time.

"Be quiet or I'll put you in a box" a guy says to his 3 year old as he tries to pick up my friend by "remembering" her from high school and regaling her with tales of his hydroponic store as she is trapped behind the counter making drinks.

"Dare me to eat this spoonful of cinnamon?" from a male Starbuckian on a slow evening

"No"

"C'mon, I'm going to do it" and he does, after which he coughs, releasing a cloud of pure cinnamon powder, almost obscuring his beet red face and streaming eyes.

"Why did I do that?" he laments, after recovering 10 minutes later.

"Oh, she hates little people, didn't you know?" says one partner to a rather small partner, about our manager.

"That guy was totally looking at me weird" says the partner making drinks to the partner on till

"That's 'cuz I wrote your phone number on the cup you just gave him"

"It's okay that they bring their kids to pick coffee because if they didn't, the kids would be left home alone" a manger told me after a week of indoctrination at a national convention.

"Huh - why don't you think about that statement and tell me if you still believe that in a week"

"Hey - do you know where I can buy some crack?" says crack-head to our manager as she WALKS to the banks with a deposit across the parking lot of a nice, safe suburb shopping mall.

She wasn't freaked out - just insulted that he thought she knew where to get crack!

These are just the few that I can think of off the top of my head - if any of my starbucks pals has a story they want to add, please put it in the comments!!