and I weep with happiness...

I have a confession.

I have been wearing the same bra for 9 months.

It is stretched out. It is ratty. It smells faintly of over sweet breast milk.

And worst of all - I made it into a nursing bra. Not very neatly.

It is probably the ugliest thing I have ever had on my body. In a fit of desperation and the desire to wear something cut slightly lower than my collarbone, I gathered a nursing bra that never fit me, some elastic and a bra that I wore before I got pregnant and performed surgery.

If I was an actual surgeon I would have been sued for malpractice and lost my license. As it was, the result was so hideous that someone should have taken my sewing machine away. But I was going to wear it beneath my clothes and no one was going to see it but me, my husband and my baby and none of us cared right? Plus I knew that I was going to suck it up and buy one of the gorgeous, comfortable and affordable nursing bras available at every major mall.

Wait - there are no gorgeous, comfortable and affordable nursing bras available - anywhere. There are nursing bras at the mall but they are only made to fit tiny, barely swelled breasts, not the gigantic G cups that are living on my chest. They are also made of materials that are not meant to touch the always sensitive nipples of a breastfeeding mother.

There are comfortable and appropriately sized nursing bras available online but they are not precisely expensive and as anyone who wears a bra know, you really have to try them on. I could not face the idea of ordering, trying on, returning, ordering, trying on, returning and errrgh.

Then there are the gorgeous, comfortable and appropriately sized nursing bras available in the few high end lingerie stores around town. You can try these on but since they cost the same as your car payment, you are going to have to take the bus for a while and with your new, well supported and exceeding large bosoms, you are probably going to be ogled which will make you realize that all men are pigs and wonder why your husband isn't ogling you more and then you'll have to call him and ask him why he's not ogling you and you won't speak to him for three days and by then you'll be going crazy because you don't have a car and you can't ask for his because you aren't speaking to him (remember) and errrgh.

So this is why I have been wearing this horrible bra for 9 months. Everyday.

I finally hit the breaking point and starting looking into the availability of those expensive nursing bras in my area. I checked on the Bravado website and saw that they have 2 new bras on the market and they both had potential. I checked their store locator, made a few calls and found a store that had them in stock and was close enough to drive to in a day.

We loaded into the car and headed out.

As I walked into the store I saw an entire wall of nursing bras. They were pricey but cute and there was more than one style available in my size. I grabbed the Bravado bra that I had researched and a few others to try on and headed to the change room. I hung the bras on the back of the door, peeled off my shirt and there it was, the terrible bra, looking so much worse compared to these fabulous, glorious, brand new bras. I saved the Bravado bra for last. Each of the bras fit and were pretty but none of them was perfect and boy, were they expensive. I admit that by the time I picked up the Bravado bra I had lost heart. I just knew I was going to have to wear that terrible bra forever ( oh and this is where I begin to imagine my daughter doesn't ween, ever, and I am doomed to spend the rest of my natural life in this bra)

I check out the tag, 36 F/G, $50.00,it is called The Sublime Nursing Bra and I am trying it on in French Vanilla.

Oh, please fit, please please please fit and be comfortable and cute and supportive and easy to unclasp.

Please.

I hook the hooks, slide it around, put the straps over my arms, adjust and look in the mirror.

It is perfect. It is wonderful. I am jumping (okay, I am thinking about jumping). I want to run out into the store and tell everyone how great it is. I don't want to take it off.

But I do. I take it off and put on the old bra and walk to the cash and pay for the new bra. I gather my husband and my daughter and we go to the car.

Where I remove my old bra and pull it out from my sleeve. Then I put the new bra on without removing my shirt. I am the bra Houdini.

My husband asks how if I like it and I say

"It's perfect"

and I weep with happiness...