Monday, April 27, 2009

The Power of a Good Sign

Dear Soil Merchant,

You seem like a really nice person. You sell many different types of soil and you seem genuine in your desire to meet the needs of your customers. I mean, people need dirt. They need to fill in holes, they need to even out their yards, they need to plant things. You have all of the types of dirt they need. I bet your dirt isn't even the kind that will grow several different extremely hardy weeds that one can never get rid of. I bet your dirt doesn't even have gross bugs (I'm not talking about nice, friendly earthworms but the more insidious pests that populate other, lesser quality dirt).

But alas, soil merchant, I can never purchase dirt from you.

Why, you might ask? I have done everything right, you explain, I have even gone so far as to post several large, crisply lettered signs advertising my many dirt options.

Well soil merchant, that is the problem. The first sign is a beauty, "Potting Soil". The sign so clean and clear I am sure anything planted in the soil would grow beautifully and win gardening contests. The second sign is wonderful, "Top Soil". Ooooo, I can only imagine the lush, emerald carpet that would grow from this fine dirt. It is the third sign that is the problem. I can only guess that it says "Gravel". But unfortunately, in a cruel twist of fate, one of the bolts that secures the sign to the fence has released its hold and the sign now hangs crookedly, dipping below the bushes at one corner. Oh soil merchant, if only it was the "G" that hung below the bushy screen. Then commuters would see "ravel" and think only of tangles and complications or perhaps of winding wool skeins. But such is not the case and it is the "L" end of the sign which remains out of sight.

Oh for the lack of an L.

Your sign clearly and crisply spells out G-R-A-V-E.

No one wants to eat tomatoes grown in dirt from the grave.


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